i am very mentally ill and i do not have a psychiatrist <3

9/22/24

i think i keep like breaking down whenever the smallest thing happens, i think i probs am like just avoiding everything else and then something so stupid and small ends up making me absolutely lose it and start sobbing lolz,, like i havent cried for a while and i did today bc i couldnt squeeze between an ambulance and cop car going the back way to dennis' house,, and then i cried more in his driveway and then i calmed myself down and then started crying again thinking about how he's moving soon,, i hate september its such an awful month i always feel fine until september and then i go on a downward spiral that i feel like i can't control like nothing helps other than distractions like it used to be band but now i cant do that so i have nothing!! and even then the distractions only work while doing them and then once i have no more distraction and everything has built up i fucking break!! super fun!!!! no i actually am suffering so much but i fr have no clue what to do AND I NEVER BRING THIS UP IN FULL IN THERAPY WHY DO I ALWAYS PUT THE ACTUAL ISSUES TO THE BACK OF MY MIND GOD UGH